So the Final Chapter Begins

Note: I am typing this on the RV on the highway, and I am feeling queasy, so there will be no editing for typos---bare with me.

So I have let this blog go. AS life dealt me many cards at once, the need to socially, verbally, and visually document the happenings of my life, faded into the background. However, now I find myself on the road engaged in the drama, bullshit, and magic of being the subject of a reality television series called Roadtrip Nation. This will be a dumping ground for not only a photo collection of the road, my thoughts and reflections from the interviews conducted and the experiences embraced, but an analytical and impassioned deconstruction of the hollow tomb that is forced social documentation.

(This is where it starts and what it looks like.)

I applied to be apart of this show back in December, and three days after my father's passing, I was informed that I would be a member of three man team. I was excited to have a project to work on in the wake of my life taking on a new chapter and meaning. The program would sponsor our (two other individuals) travel across the USA in a 35ft RV, on a 40 day 4500+ mi trip from Maine to California. In that time we would individually and collectively line up interviews with "leaders" who care talk about how they found their path in life. In my mind, at the time, this seemed like a great opportunity, especially after leaving teaching in pursuit of the unknown and more autonomous freedom. The whole thing was pitched as the magical experience this revelation in the pursuit of freedom and self-understanding.

The aforementioned battle cry is really a hollow smoke screen for narrative based reality television (though they love to make the distinction that this is a "Documentary Series"). Perhaps in its inception, Roadtrip nation, which was the brainchild of three wealthy white kids from Laguna Beach, was a genuine voyoge into the void of American Society to seek out experiences and conversations. However, whatever flicker of spontaneity and wild freedom they sought after, has been extinguished with the presence of production minded film school children and a need to create a profitable product. "Be natural on camera, and be real," they say as the microphone rips my chest hair, the camera shutter speed snaps and cracks, and I am asked to drive past the same spot for the third time while discussing my feelings about driving a large vehicle." Their are quotas and needs for The Story's arch, which was written years ago, and to which our lives are now stretched across its brittle skeleton.

Now, its not all bad. The people that film us aren't bad people, but they on the same token are forced to prodcue with out a need for growth or progression--they are told to document what has been done--to seek out the safe and familiar. A human beings they are agreeable. The two other roadtrippers, who applied just like me, are a lovely lot. We are making our relationship a reality in moments when wires and red lights cease to cloud the foreground. We have the challenge of maintianing our authenticity, and to fight to make this trip our own. So shall I be obstinate and defiant? Yes, only when I feel like it is warranted.

Below is my written response to the mild mannered director, after she wrote me an email addressing my statements on the pre-trip interview, acknowledging my awareness of editing and the biased gaze of the lens, as potentially problematic ingredients in this experience (Also some photos to tickle your visual needs).

Godspeed Citizens,

Kuhn

I thank you for your thoughts. What I mentioned in my first pre-thoughts interview, has ignited from a spark of fear to a wildfire of concern. So as of today, July 9, 2011, I will give you the two sides of my perspective on this project:

1) The Long-Winded Verbose Negative Brain Fart: I dislike this process, because in its essence it is not three people on the road, and truly the emphasis isn't on documenting the conversations with the leaders and the revelations which occur there. Those moments seem totally authentic and inspiring, and in that sense the cameras become a tool. However, when the focus then becomes, "well what are we going to do with the rest of our day, and how can we make a narrative out of it", it totally shuts me down, i.e. let's go for a swim in the ocean, but stage the entrance into the water, or let's get to know each other on a rocky cliff with a great skyline, or let’s turn off the music so I can shoot you eating cheez-its, or let's go get the oil changed, and have you all stand there, even though this could be done by one person, and the event isn't a revelation.

The superfluous filming of our lives outside of the moments that are directly linked to the researching, attainment, and reflection of the interviews with leaders, seems cheap, forced, counterproductive, and aims no higher that to be just another cog in the wheel of modern reality TV.

The beauty of this idea, was the conversations with leaders, the work it takes to break down social and self imposed barriers to have a pure conversation with an inspiring individual. However, that seems to have taken a back seat for film school ethics on plot development and the recapitulation of a pre- existing narrative: “Three lost 20 somethings, hit the road in a big scary RV, to struggle with new experiences and places, and to engage in some “changing life shit”.”

This is not 2001, we are not Nate and his buddies, and when you put the cameras into the hands of people (strangers) who have been trained to do a job (create reality programming), the scenarios become anything but organic: moments are stopped and started for angles, quotas, needs, and inherently the lens is not coming from those on the trip. This trip is between five people not three--there are silent figures here that occupy the space of controlling the entire situation, yet are free from having to display themselves in a marketable and consumable way.

I feel like all I have heard from RTN is about this magical experience and all of this amazaingness which is beset before us, but there is a failure to acknowledge or address what it has meant for your movement to take the agency of documenting the experience out of the hands of those who are supposed to be at the core of it. To put the gaze of the lens into a third party and to initiate an experience with the intent of creating a product, is somehow glossed over as a side note or secondary, when in fact it has become paramount.

2) The Nicer and Briefer Side: I know I should just let go an embrace this experience for what it is, and accept the cameras as apart of this process, and in many respects get off my fucking high horse, and just have fun. I know that our travels to the leaders is also apart of the overall journey to speak with them, so it is valuable to acknowledge that it should be documented. Brooklyn, Nekeed, Dan and Willie, are great human beings (and I feel us all getting closer, especially when we are out in the evenings). We are learning about each other, and seeing many new things. I can embrace an awkward camera here and there, and not feel like I am compromising my morals. This is an opportunity to try and utilize the platform of RTN to strengthen my self confidence, and to access situations which might not normally be available. A spectacle isn’t always a bad thing.

As for your Question:

Worst case scenario in 10 years I have chosen to stop pursuing interests, challenges, and creativity, and I am sad pathetic man--I am not shooting for a job or a rank or a specific goal. I feel totally confident that I will accomplish what I am supposed to do with this life and that happiness will be my reward. I came on this trip to speak with leaders, simply to speak with them and engage in conversations which challenged me intellectually and emotionally, and allowed for a mutual musing on the struggles of life and the pursuit of contentment---but I am not approaching them from the standpoint that I am lost or somehow need guidance--I am exactly where I should be, and have complete faith in that fact.

I have fear of owning my role as an artist in this world and not being super confident in my skills. But somehow I have a feeling that I will make that happen for myself, be it on a personal or global scale. I have a life time of growth ahead of me.

Rebuilding an Engine--A Metaphor for Growth

So, on my way back to Texas in December, my poor little 22re engine was sounding mighty poor. There was a loud tapping and a pretty soild intuitive feeling that something was not right. Needless to say the champion 4Runner got us all the way back to Austin.

I took the truck to a mechanic, and $400 later they told me I had anexhaust leak, which they fixed, but that I would need about $750 more dollars in work to replace two rocker arms, a camshaft, and a rocker shaft--basically a few damaged parts in the top end. I asked them to put the car back together, and that I would take it home to think about it. After doing some research, I realized for about the same price I could do the right job, and really refurbish the whole top end. So with a manual, the online forums, and some help from my mechanically inclined Uncle, I set to the task of tearing into the top end. Note: I also needed to replace the leaky oil pan, which was a whole separate project.

This whole process took me about a month, and was aided by my awesome roommate Marissa, allowing me to use her car for work and life. She also lent a hand at critical moments in the process, and I could not have done the work without her.

I began with the oil pan replacement, which would have been easy if I did not have 4x4 on my truck. Because my vehicle is 4x4 equipped, I had to lower the front differential (front axle), and jack the car up in order to remove the pan. I spent time cleaning, sanding, and painting the new pan, and with a little struggle got it all buttoned back up:

Then I moved on to the big project: I started with just thinking that I would replace the parts that were damaged like the mechanic would have, but as I researched more and considered that my engine had over 195,000mi on it, rebuilding the top end at this juncture, would be the best move, especially since I intend on keeping this truck around for some time.

Even after I committed to replacing certain parts, I was still trying to avoid the big project of removing the cylinder head from the block, and replacing the head gasket--this is the critical union between the upper and lower parts of the engine, and it helps to keep the oil and coolant separated, which is vital to proper performance. This process would entail removing the fuel injection and exhaust system, along with keeping the engine timed properly, and so on---many more steps than I wanted to undertake. However, when my parts for the basic refurbishing arrived, I realized that I needed to go ahead and do the whole thing, or else there would most likely be a problem down the line. Basically the parts I wanted to replace loosened other parts which would increase the chance of my head gasket failing at some point in the future.

So, I channeled the spirit of a one, Andrew Reynaga, whom is known world wide for his tenacity, inherent genius, and relentless attention to detail, which all translates to doing the job right the first time. I have personally watched this man work an eight hour shift, then come home and dig up a 4x8 ft garden bed 2ft down, jut to lay in gofer wire before putting in his spring garden. I have also watched this man, hand sand a kitchen floor late into the night to remove every inch of the previous flooring contents. He is an inspiration when it comes to doing things the correct way.

That being said, I began the process of dismantling the head, and took my time. I snapped photos of the engine and vario

us parts, labeled and organized all removed bolts into ziplocked bags, and accepted failure as a part of the process--once you let the worry of failure go, things lighten up considerably. Over a weeks time, I had removed the head, undid the wiring harness, cleaned the EFI and block, and relentlessly cleaned out the head bolt holes, which are the keys to holding the top half to the bottom half. Then I waited several days for parts to arrive. I was going to refurbish my head at a local machine shop, but wound up purchasing a brand new one, for what amounted to little more than $50 extra dollars.

I moved my work bench inside, and assembled the EFI and head together in the comfort of the dining room. Once assembly was complete, I moved the parts back outside and set to the task of the final reassembly.

Things went fairly smoothly, and over the course of two days, I was able to button everything back up. The final day was filled with small disasters, such as pouring in coolant, and finding two hoses which were not hooked up, which lead to coolant spewing everywhere. I also discovered a leak in the top radiator hose, and had to run to buy a replacement. This was all amplified in intensity, when reaching for a wrench I spilled coffee onto Marissa's laptop--her ninja like reflexes prevented any serious damage, and the computer was okay.

I finally arrived at the great moment of turning the ignition key, and when I braved the wilds of my doubts and turned the key, only a click occurred. I scratched my head, took a failure bow, and began searching for the cause. I double checked all the engine ground wires, and then tested the battery with a volt meter. The battery did not have the 12volts needed to start the engine, so I took my deep cycle battery from my solar panel setup, and used it to jump the car battery.

THE FIRST FIRE UP WAS AMAZING--The truck hummed like a sweet beast! The timing was nearly perfect, and the engine had an almost quite hum to it. Here is a video of the initial fire up, after I ran from the driver's seat to the front of the car:

I then timed the engine using a timing strobe light. This was my first time doing this, and it was fairly simple. It is amazing how much information you can find in manuals and via the internet:

I adjusted the valves again after the initial camshaft break in, and here is a picture of the top end open in the late afternoon sun (very nice and clean):

This project was a meditation in conviction, acceptance of failure, the pursuit of knowledge and confidence, and the commitment to keep breathing and growing.

Two Weeks--So They Tell Me

So, I have done all that was asked, and now its on a two week "wait-and-see". Which seems fitting, given my current obsession with the song "Two Weeks" by Grizzly Bear

This Process of applying to Roadtrip Nation has been an odd journey. I am resisting the tendency to invest too many daydreams into the notion of getting accepted to the show. I really would love the opportunity and I think that it would be a fantastic experience, but if I get it or not, it is as it should be, and I take solace in the fact that I did not back down from the challenge of this application, and that I maintained, what I believe to be an honest and genuine disposition and position--what does it really mean: I didn't run from the opportunity and I looked towards honesty rather than blowin' smoke up their proverbial asses.

Anywho, I loaded some of the video's up to my Youtube account, so if you feel so inclined, you can click the links below and check them out.

Currently life is odd. My engine still sits in a state of disrepair (waiting for parts parts parts), and I haven't worked for the farm in a week, but I haven't called them, nor have they called me--I don't know. Life is weird; life is good; life is great; life is poor, and so forth.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wrote all the above yesterday (3/7/2011). Today is 3/8/2011, and well while writing that my cylinder block showed up! So I moved my work bench inside, and have begun assembling the head! Woooohoooo! It was a nice to get a bit of a direction at the end of the day.

After that I went out for burgers with Marissa and our friend Adam. We had a good time, shooting the shit about this and that, and I even asked our waitress out. Naturally she had a boyfriend, but it felt good to throw it out there. We all thought that perchance she was interested in yours truly, because she kept on touching my back when she came to the table, and she spent an awful lot time talking to us--who knows, perhaps we just confused good personable service with romantic interest. Either way, it felt good to put it out there, and it wasn't awkward in anyway.

Ok So here are the links to most of all the interview videos. A big thanks to Pablo for filming this, and to Marissa for inspiring and supporting the process.

Making the Interview (1)

Making the Interview (2)

Making the Interview (3)

Interview (1)

Interview (2)

Afterthoughts (1)

End of the Month--New Cuts

I had been going for a bohemian Kramer look for the last month, and today it ended. Today I spray foamed the inside of the Tecolote Farm delivery truck. I had stripped the interior panels and rack system about a month ago, and today was the day for insulating. It was sort of a high stakes situation: the foam is a reaction of two chemicals which are stored in two pressurized tanks. Two tubes feed into one spray gun, and are mixed together when shot through one nozzle. If the mixtures are off, the foam does not cure right, and so on. So the worries of getting the right mixture were amplified by the fact that the foam had a 30sec cure time, and you had to continually spray or the foam would cure in the nozzle. The cost of this foam was about $800, and there was just enough to cover the area we needed to cover--so wasting foam was not an option. Once I had my respirator, gloves, an goggles, we got to work. In all honesty it was a blast, and only when I changed the nozzle did things get a little stressed--I seated one incorrectly, and it shot out on both sides of a new nozzel. Dave was able to seat a new nozzle on and it worked for the rest of the application--I didn't dare try and change another nozzle. I sprayed for about an hour or two. Afterwards my clothes, shoes and hair were sort of covered in foam.

I took the foamy hair as an opportunity to trim up my shabby look. So here is a pic of my clothes, the inside of the truck after spray foaming and about half way through shaving, and me, before and after (As always, doing my own clipping and trimming):

At the end of the day Marissa and I played an amazing game of disc golf--I was only +2 after 12 holes--had some of my best drives, and damn near had my first hole-in-one!

Looks like I will be working Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday at Tecolote this Spring! Coupling this with Saturday Farmer's Markets for Johnson's Backyard Garden, occasional substitute teaching, and writing articles for the Writer's Network, I think I will be doing well. Just for the record, I have been writing articles for a network, which supplies information to a Home an Garden Website. I basically regurgitate internet information, and occasionally throw in some of my own ingenuity, but the pay is good and it has been steady income. Here is a link to my page on their site: The Writer's Network. At the bottom you can see the links to all the articles I have written. This is no creative endeavor, but at $10-20 an article, the pay is good!

Also, been working on my truck. Replaced the oil pan a few days ago, and waiting on parts to finish of the replacement and installation of a new cam and rocker arm assembly. Learning a lot and celebrating failure in the pursuit of new knowledge and growth.

Snow Down South

This was a great gift after a few bitter cold days--now we have one of the sunniest in the past few weeks.

My Roadtrip Nation Application Video

So I am applying to this summer program, and I had to make a video--no edits:

Section 1 (2mins): Who I am!

Section 2:

• Part A (2mins): Strengths/Weaknesses and what it will mean to the trip.
• Part B (1min): What I am hoping to get out of the trip.

I did this all in one take--I practiced a few times in the house with the stop watch and camera, but what was spoken was off the top of the head.

I feel good about it, so we shall see what it all means.

CHeck out Roadtrip Nation for a taste of what this is all about--basically, interviewing those individuals who have "made it" and digging into what it took them to get there.

Photos for the Record

Al Jarreau Making Things New

The following video is what I would like to do with my life--pure and utter freedom to freak out and have it fit in perfectly: